Fun Stuff


PWN3RS TC Presents: Wingstop Challenge
By: Sam Epstein

The night began with some uncertainty, as three members were there at the appointed time. Burke Oleszewski, Cedric Dana, and the unknown Cedric's friend all appeared ready to go, yet a mite timid. Paul Flagg proceeded to appear, and the four got ready to order, believing that Bret Ligon would pansy out (which he did). Paul proceeded to prove his all-county trash-talking skills, saying "You guys just don't realize my ethnicity. I am going to win" (Paul is African American). The various spectators laughed for a while, and the gathering around the large table grew as workers from the nearby Haagen Dazs promised free ice cream for all four participants. The manager of Wing Stop came out to see the gruesome spectacle and the anticipation mounted. Burke, in transferring wings to a plate to ensure everyone got ten, proceeded to lick a small amount of sauce off one of his fingers. Spectators questioned the move, as it exposed him to the atomic fire of the wings, but he responded, "No sweat! I ain't even feelin it." But, a moment later, the fire hit him and he immediately regretted his decision. Paul then broke out his secret strategy of licking the sauce off most of the wings beforehand, thinking to gain an edge on the competition, but the move proved fatal later on. As timers got watches ready to capture splits, Paul included one last jibe at Burke's expense while Cedric and his friend sat laughing.

With an emphatic "Ready, set, GO!" from Alex Booth, the eaters began devouring the luscious wings. Cedric immediately established an early lead, eating his first wing in 6 seconds, while Burke followed closely behind in 9 seconds. Paul and the other participant immediately fell behind and the race was on. Cedric chose to use a rip and swallow approach while Burke soon transferred over to two-winged inhaling. While Paul and the other contestant started slowing down, Cedric was gulping down sips of water and Burke was taking a few swigs of ranch sauce. As Cedric approached his last two wings, Burke admitted defeat, as he had close to 4 left. However, Burke continued on, racing against the clock. Cedric finally finished, taking a few additional seconds to swallow all remnants, and the spectators looked on in awe. He now proved without a shadow of a doubt that he is the top eater in Montgomery County, and perhaps, the East Coast. Burke continued on, finishing strong at 2:49 and the other two conceded their failures. As Cedric sat, drinking water, Burke decided he needed to run and ran out into the parking lot fanning his mouth and moaning. Cedric went next door to get some milk and Burke came in, undoubtably scaring off numerous potential Wing Stop customers. Even the manager of Wing Stop had to give the competitors credit for the potentially lethal task. PWN3RS TC co-founder Sam Epstein immediately invited Cedric into PWN3RS TC, which he accepted gladly. As people filtered into the nearby Haagen Dazs for their free ice cream, all agreed that they had seen a spectacle for the ages. Burke and Cedric were already thinking about the future, and other potential speed-eating contests. With these two bright young talents, the sky seems the limit, as expressed best by Cedric's admittance that he might consider challenging Kobayashi at a future time. Yet, the losers tasted bitter defeat, as Paul sat muttering in the corner, "I got betrayed by most favorite food." PWN3D

Final Results: Wing Stop Challenge
Cedric Dana - 2:11.16 (6.11, 14.55, 14.71, 12.66, 14.82, 16.00, 14.09, 15.80, 11.66, 10.76)
Burke Oleszewski - 2:49.56 (9.44, 14.55, 12.50, 13.64, 19.64, 23.24, 17.37, 15.94, 22.93, 20.31)


Contribute to the Discussion
- Add A Comment

Email | About